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Secrets of a Former Girl in Uniform

Me as a surly schoolgirl.

Me as a surly schoolgirl.

< by Anna of Wanderlust in Chicago >

I attended an all-girl’s Catholic high school. And I’m going to answer a question that has run wild in the fevered imaginations of boys and men alike.

I’m going to tell you what’s under a schoolgirl’s skirt.

With two words, I’m going to demolish every Girl In Uniform fantasy you’ve ever had ever:

Boxer shorts.

Dude’s underwear. The baggy novelty kind. Like the antithesis of a kilted Scotsman, I never left the house without a pair of shorts, in addition to my own underpants, under my pleated uniform skirt. I sported tasmanian devil boxers, Iowa Hawkeye boxers, and styles by Mr. Joe Boxer himself. On cold days, there was also a pair of opaque tights under there. Under a pair of anklet socks.

The myth busting continues up top. There were no lacy black bras peeking out from cropped shirts. I wore a white oxford button-up, sometimes with a turtleneck underneath, all under a navy V-neck sweater with my name embroidered in cursive. It was rumored that some girls wore turtleneck dickies (à la Cousin Eddie in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation) under their button-ups for a fashionable layered look without the risk of overheating. On warmer days, it was a white Barenaked Ladies or similarly ’90s-tastic band t-shirt under a short-sleeved oxford under a navy sweater vest.

The hard facts are that real Catholic schoolgirls are encased in onion-like layers clothing, a medley of pajama items and 100% polyester. The pigtailed teen in flirty knee-highs and plaid skirt with XXX underneath is a figment of the adult movie industry’s imagination or was invented by whoever came up with the vinyl nurse costume. Hang on to your fantasies if you must, but know I sometimes still wear shorts under my skirts (I’ve classed it up to Spanx-like cycling shorts). Old habits are hard to break — and Chicago can be really windy.

1 Comment»

  Larry Who wrote @

This is a hoot. I’ve forwarded to a former parochial school attendee – my daughter.

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