< by Mark, father of Jill >

Things to do today:

1) Go to my grandparents’ house.
2) “Borrow” my grandpaʼs fake poop.
3) Spend the day at my cousin Jimʼs house.
4) Think of ways to help Jim annoy his older sister Margaret.

Jimʼs mom loved her perfect daughter and thought that Jim and I were best kept outdoors where we wouldn’t mess up the house. In the house they had a perfect living room where no one was allowed to enter. They also had a perfect (stupid) little poodle who belonged to Margaret and could do no wrong.

The perfect plan…
While mom and Margaret were out for the morning we executed our plan:
Deposit the fake poop in a prominent spot on the precisely vacuum-tracked carpet without leaving human footprints and creating the appearance of dog tracks. With the aid of a fishing pole we were able to make the poop deposit without entering the forbidden room and used the tip of the of the pole to simulate the dog foot prints.

Mission accomplished, all we had to do now was await their return and be prepared for the discovery. I think Margaretʼs mom liked to check her room frequently so when they returned it wasnʼt long before we heard the screams from our basement hide out. Margaret was screaming, mom was screaming, and the stupid little poodle was yipping. I was laughing so hard I almost wet my pants.

All of a sudden it got very quiet and the flaw in our plan became painfully apparent when it was discovered that the poop was fake and it was not the stupid little poodle that put it there.

I learned two things on that day:
1) Never borrow your grandpaʼs fake poop.
2) I do not believe in spanking for bad behavior.